things i told the internet, but didn’t tell my mom
35mm film scans
some pictures about my backwards concept of privacy.
i. it’s getting bad again
ii. this week i am struggling with self doubt and the transition from iced coffee to hot coffee
iii. i want to puke and sleep for six days
iv. i still can’t sit on your couch without shaking
v. i need other people to validate that i am important because i can’t do it for myself
vi. no one else has ever told me that i am desirable with the lights on
"All any of us wanted, really, was to know that we counted. That someone else’s life would not have been as rich without us here."
Jodi Picoult, Handle With Care (via xhromosomes)
March 4, 2013
I was unpacking when I heard you walk in. I had on light pink lipstick that I found at the bottom of a box. You put a few things on the counter and handed me my car keys. I kissed you and asked if you could help me move the bed. You said you needed to talk. I keep replaying this over and over in my mind. I don’t think I’ll be able to unpack the rest of our boxes.
April 4, 2013
It’s been a month since you left.
Mark says you’re not coming back.
I can’t sleep.
Are you awake?
May 4, 2013
I finally went to the doctor like you had begged me to.
You were right and yeah, I’ll be fine.
June 4, 2013
I sold my engagement ring at a pawn shop today. I bought expensive lipstick and flowers. I also bought a lot of beer and a carton of cigarettes. I’ve lost a lot weight since you last saw me. My friends from high school that I haven’t seen in years hardly recognize me. It’s weird being back in this town without you. I spend most of my afternoons at the beach. I saw a sea turtle today while I was swimming. I miss eating breakfast food at midnight with you.
July 4, 2013
I stumbled across the video of you in the car singing Taylor Swift. I deleted it before it played all the way through but I have to admit it made me laugh. I can’t remember how your voice sounds saying my name. I broke down and called you. Thank you for not answering.
August 4, 2013
I dropped my cigarette in my lap when you drove past me today.
September 4, 1012
I went on a date.
He thinks Bud Light is “quality beer”.
It just isn’t going to work out.
October 4, 2013
It doesn’t hurt anymore to say your name.
November 4, 2013
Hope you’re doing well.
December 12, 2013
Thank you for setting me free.
These short letters are straight from my notebook, unedited and carelessly written in extremely unattractive cursive. -d.a.h (via whisperingbones)
"The only way to find true happiness is to risk being completely cut open."
Chuck Palahniuk (Invisible Monsters)
"The Universe is under no obligation to make sense to you"
Neil deGrasse Tyson (via themilkywhiteway)